Competition in this pair is now closed. Source text in Italian Ho perso il conto del tempo che siamo stati nascosti qui, tra gli scarti di fieno puzzolente e tanfo di umanità sporca e spaventata. E’ da poco passato Natale e l’abbiamo passato in questa stalla, insieme ai compaesani affamati, tremanti di freddo e paura. Quasi come Gesù Bambino, solo che almeno lui aveva un bue e un asinello che lo scaldavano con l’alito. Noi manco quelli. Gli asini se li sono portati via i militari, per trasportare il trasportabile, anche il corredo di mamma; i buoi … non ci vuole molto per capire che fine hanno fatto, già da tempo, anche i più tosti da masticare.
Al buio crepato dal fioco chiarore mattutino, accucciata alla mia schiena per scongiurare il gelo, mia sorella Teresina mormora «Checchina … sei sveglia?» Sussurra, come siamo ormai abituate a fare, per renderci il più trasparenti possibile, ragazze ombra che si fanno forza solo per proteggere una madre vedova e tre fratelli più piccoli, anche se non sono sicura di quale protezione potremmo mai offrire.
«Si, sono sveglia, ma taci o svegli tutti e incominciano con le lagne per la fame e chi li sente … ».
«Hai ragione, ma c’è qualcosa che non va … non riesco a capire … ».
«Teresì, c’è la guerra, cosa vuoi di più?»
«Ma no, ascolta bene … »
Tendo le orecchie. Nella penombra scorgo le sagome dei poveracci che hanno perso tutto in pochi mesi, traditi da re e ragion di stato. Sento solo il respiro angosciato di chi copre la testa con le braccia in un gesto istintivo, per allontanare quell’incubo che è la nostra quotidiana realtà: colpi di cannone che rimbombano, mitragliatrici che sferragliano, bombe che ululano, carri armati che fanno tremare la terra prima che li si vedano arrivare.
E ascoltando bene, mi rendo conto che la guerra tace. | The winning entries have been announced in this pair.There were 31 entries submitted in this pair during the submission phase, 7 of which were selected by peers to advance to the finals round. The winning entries were determined based on finals round voting by peers.
Competition in this pair is now closed. | I have lost track of the time we have been hiding here, amongst the rotting leftover hay and the cloying stink of dirty, frightened humanity. It is just after Christmas, which we have spent in this barn, together with the other starving village folk, trembling with cold and fear. Almost like the Baby Jesus, except that he at least had an ox and a donkey to warm him with their breath. Not even that for us. The donkeys have been taken away by the soldiers, to carry whatever they could carry off, including Mum's trousseau; as for the cattle... it's not hard to imagine what happened to them, even the the ones that would have made the toughest eating. As the weak morning light splits the darkness, scrunched up against my back to keep from freezing, my sister Teresina murmurs "Checchina... are you awake?" She speaks in a whisper, as we are all used to doing now, to make ourselves as transparent as possible, shadow girls who find the strength to go on only because they have a widowed mother and three smaller siblings to protect, even if I can't say for sure what protection we could ever afford them. "Yes, I'm awake, but keep quiet or you'll wake everyone up and they'll start complaining about being hungry and on and on..." "Sure, but something's not right... I don't understand..." "Teresì, it's the war, what else do you want?" "No, listen..." I prick up my ears. In the half light I can make out the shapes of the poor sods who have lost everything in a few months, betrayed by king and country. All I can hear is the anguished breathing of someone covering their head with their arms in an instinctive gesture, trying to keep out that nightmare that is our daily reality: cannons that roar, machine guns that rattle, bombs that screech, tanks that make the earth tremble before you even see them coming. And listening hard, I realise that the war has fallen silent.
| Entry #6920
Winner Voting points | 1st | 2nd | 3rd |
---|
30 | 6 x4 | 2 x2 | 2 x1 |
Rating type | Overall | Quality | Accuracy |
---|
Entry | 3.40 | 3.43 (14 ratings) | 3.36 (11 ratings) |
- 5 users entered 10 "like" tags
- 9 users agreed with "likes" (22 total agrees)
- 1 user disagreed with "likes" (2 total disagrees)
+2 amongst the rotting leftover hay and the cloying stink of dirty, frightened humanity | Flows well very good word choice, flows well - excellent | Rachael Alexander | |
-1 the cloying stink of dirty, frightened humanity. | Flows well | Kristel Kiesel | |
+2 1 cloying stink of dirty, frightened humanity | Good term selection | Kimberly De Haan | |
+2 that would have made the toughest eating | Flows well yes, that's the idea! | Kimberly De Haan | |
-1 +4 who find the strength to go on only because | Flows well very nice | Kimberly De Haan | |
| Good term selection | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
trying to keep out that nightmare that is our daily reality | Good term selection | Rachael Alexander No agrees/disagrees | |
+4 1 I realise that the war has fallen silent | Flows well | Karen Vincent-Jones (X) | |
- 4 users entered 6 "dislike" tags
- 18 users agreed with "dislikes" (33 total agrees)
- 7 users disagreed with "dislikes" (7 total disagrees)
-1 +13 1 which we have spent | Grammar errors tense: Christmas is done, so it should be "which we spent" | Kimberly De Haan | |
-3 +2 1 weak morning light splits the darkness | Inconsistencies contradiction between "weak" light "splitting" the darkness | Kimberly De Haan | |
| Mistranslations source refers to all present, not a single person | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
| I’ve lost track of how long we’ve been hiding here, amid the rank-smelling hay scraps and the stench of grimy and fear-ridden humanity. Christmas has just passed and we’ve spent it in this stable, together with our hungry fellow villagers, shivering with cold and dread. Almost like the baby Jesus, only at least he had an ox and a donkey to keep him warm with their breath. We don’t even have those. The soldiers took the donkeys away to carry what could be carried – even mother’s trousseau. As for the oxen, it doesn’t take much to figure out where they ended up some time ago now – even those that were toughest to chew. Huddled against my back to keep the cold at bay, my sister Teresina murmurs into the gloom riven by the faint morning glimmer: “Checchina … are you awake?” She whispers, as we’re used to doing now, to make ourselves as ethereal as possible, shadow girls who only summon up their courage to protect a widowed mother and three younger brothers – though I’m not sure what protection we could ever afford them. “Yes, I’m awake, but keep quiet or you’ll wake everyone and they’ll start moaning with hunger. Then who do you think will have listen to them …” “You’re right, but there’s something’s wrong … I don’t understand …” “Teresì, there’s a war on. What more do you want?” “No, listen carefully …” I listen intently. In the half-light I make out the shapes of poor wretches who, betrayed by king and country, have lost everything in a few months. All I hear is the laboured breathing of those who cover their head with their arms in an instinctive gesture to ward off the nightmare that is our daily existence: the thunder of cannon fire, the rattle of machine guns, the wail of bombs, and tanks that make the ground shake before they are seen approaching. And listening carefully, I realise that the war has gone quiet. | Entry #7031
Winner Voting points | 1st | 2nd | 3rd |
---|
30 | 3 x4 | 8 x2 | 2 x1 |
Rating type | Overall | Quality | Accuracy |
---|
Entry | 3.32 | 3.54 (13 ratings) | 3.10 (10 ratings) |
- 2 users entered 4 "like" tags
- 10 users agreed with "likes" (22 total agrees)
+2 the war has gone quiet. | Flows well | Karen Vincent-Jones (X) | |
- 3 users entered 6 "dislike" tags
- 14 users agreed with "dislikes" (23 total agrees)
- 9 users disagreed with "dislikes" (16 total disagrees)
-4 +5 2 we’ve spent it | Grammar errors tense: Christmas is done: should be "we spent it" | Kimberly De Haan | |
-2 +2 2 the baby Jesus | Grammar errors use of article before baby Jesus is unnecessary | Shera Lyn Parpia | |
-1 +3 2 riven by the faint morning glimmer | Inconsistencies "riven" is too strong a verb for "faint glow" | Kimberly De Haan | |
-4 +7 3 ethereal | Other inappropriate | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
-3 +4 1 brothers | Mistranslations we don't know whether they're boys or girls | Kimberly De Haan | |
-2 +2 1 What more do you want | Mistranslations | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
| I’ve lost track of how long we’ve been hiding here, amid smelly wisps of hay and the stench of dirty, frightened people. It’s just after Christmas, which we spent in this stable with hungry fellow villagers, shivering with cold and fear. Almost like the Christ Child, except that he at least had an ox and a donkey to warm him with their breath. We haven’t even got that. Soldiers took the donkeys as transport for whatever they could carry off, including Mum’s bridal dowry; and as for the oxen… it doesn’t take much imagination to figure out how they ended up, a while back - even the ones that were tough as old shoe laces. The dark is beginning to give way to dawn; my sister Teresina, curled up against my back to ward off the cold, murmurs, “Checchina… are you awake?” She is whispering, the way we have learnt to so as to be as invisible as possible; shadow girls who only pluck up courage to protect our widowed mother and our three younger brothers, although I’m not sure just how much protection we can actually provide. “Yes, I’m awake, but be quiet or you’ll wake them all up and they’ll start complaining that they’re hungry, and there’s nothing we can do about it.” “OK, but something’s not right… I can’t figure out what…” “Teresì, there’s a war on, what do you expect?” “No, listen carefully…” I cock an ear. In the dark I can make out the shapes of the wretches, betrayed by the King and the State, who have lost everything in the space of a few months. All I hear is the breathing of people cradling their heads in their arms in an instinctive gesture to ward off the nightmare of our daily existence: the thunder of cannon; machine-gun fire; the whine of falling bombs; tanks that shake the earth underfoot before they rumble into sight. And now, listening carefully, I realize: the sounds of war have died out.
| Entry #7502
Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X)Italien Finalist Voting points | 1st | 2nd | 3rd |
---|
29 | 5 x4 | 4 x2 | 1 x1 |
Rating type | Overall | Quality | Accuracy |
---|
Entry | 3.65 | 3.60 (15 ratings) | 3.69 (13 ratings) |
- 2 users entered 2 "like" tags
- 2 users agreed with "likes" (3 total agrees)
- 3 users disagreed with "likes" (3 total disagrees)
| Other better than "Baby Jesus", which doesn't sound right here | Rachel Fell | |
+2 tanks that shake the earth underfoot before they rumble into sight. | Flows well | Karen Vincent-Jones (X) | |
- 3 users entered 8 "dislike" tags
- 9 users agreed with "dislikes" (14 total agrees)
- 2 users disagreed with "dislikes" (8 total disagrees)
-1 +6 2 old shoe laces | Mistranslations don't you mean "old shoe leather"? | Kimberly De Haan | |
-1 +4 1 old shoe laces. | Other I've heard 'tough as old boots' but not 'shoelaces' | Karen Vincent-Jones (X) | |
-1 1 the way we have learnt to so as to be | Syntax Clumsy, doesn't read well, , there must be a better way to put it | Rachael Alexander | |
-1 +1 1 as invisible as possible | Mistranslations either you are invisible or not..... | Rachael Alexander | |
-1 +1 1 cock an ear | Mistranslations physically impossible! Cock your head - makes you sound like a dog | Rachael Alexander | |
-2 1 cradling their heads in their arms | Mistranslations How does one do that exactly!? | Rachael Alexander | |
-1 1 the thunder of cannon | Mistranslations What does that mean? Makes NO sense | Rachael Alexander | |
| I have lost all sense of time, of how long we have been hiding here, amidst the putrid straw sweepings, surrounded by the stench of human filth and despair. It was Christmas a few days ago. We spent it here in the stable with other people from the village, famished and trembling from the cold and from fear. It almost reminds me of Baby Jesus, only he at least had an ox and a donkey to warm him with their breath. We don’t even have that much. The soldiers took the donkeys to cart off everything they could lay their hands on, even mother’s trousseau. As for the oxen, you don’t need much imagination to guess what happened to them, even the toughest rumps are long gone. The faint glimmer of morning begins to cut through the dark of night. My sister, Teresina, is huddled against my back to ward off the chill. “Checchina” she murmurs, “are you awake?” She whispers. We always do, we try to be as invisible as we can, girls in the shadows driven only by a resolve to protect our widowed mother and three little brothers and sisters, although I have to wonder what kind of protection we could possibly provide. “Yes, I’m awake, but quieten down or you’ll wake everyone up and they’ll start whining, ‘I’m hungry! I’m thirsty!'” “I know, but something’s not right. I don’t understand…” “Teresi, there’s a war on, what do you expect?” “But no, listen!” I cock my head. In the dim light, I can barely make out the shapes of these hapless people who have lost everything they could call their own in just a few months, betrayed by King and the powers that be. All I hear is their agonized breathing as they sleep with their arms wrapped around their heads, instinctively shielding themselves from the nightmare our lives have become. Every day is the same, cannon blasts roar, machine guns echo, bombs wail and tanks shake the ground before they even come into view. I listen carefully. And then it dawns on me, the din of war is over.
| Entry #8137
Finalist Voting points | 1st | 2nd | 3rd |
---|
29 | 7 x4 | 0 | 1 x1 |
Rating type | Overall | Quality | Accuracy |
---|
Entry | 3.14 | 3.28 (18 ratings) | 3.00 (16 ratings) |
- 4 users entered 5 "like" tags
- 10 users agreed with "likes" (21 total agrees)
- 2 users disagreed with "likes" (2 total disagrees)
+1 amidst the putrid straw sweepings, surrounded by the stench of human filth and despair | Flows well brilliant | Rachael Alexander | |
-1 +5 1 surrounded by the stench of human filth and despair | Flows well | Enza Longo | |
+1 famished and trembling from the cold and from fear | Good term selection | Rachael Alexander | |
-1 +9 2 And then it dawns on me, the din of war is over | Flows well nicely put | Sarah Ferrara | |
- 4 users entered 5 "dislike" tags
- 13 users agreed with "dislikes" (19 total agrees)
- 9 users disagreed with "dislikes" (13 total disagrees)
-3 +1 faint glimmer of morning begins to cut | Inconsistencies contradiction between "faint glimmer" and "cut" | Kimberly De Haan | |
-2 +4 1 girls in the shadows driven only by a resolve to protect our widowed mother and three little brothers and sisters | Mistranslations the girls ARE shadows not IN the shadows...resolve?? | _Vivi_ | |
-4 +4 start whining, ‘I’m hungry! I’m thirsty!' | Syntax Doesn't sound like natural speech | Kimberly De Haan | |
| I’ve lost track of how long we have been here, hiding in the stinking remnants of hay and stench of filthy, frightened humanity. Christmas is over, and we spent it in this barn with the other villagers, starving and trembling with cold and fear. Almost like the Baby Jesus, except he had an ox and an ass to warm him with their breath. We don’t have even those. The soldiers took the donkeys, used them to cart off everything they could, even mama's trousseau. The oxen…well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out where they were headed, even those with the stringiest meat. With the dark fading away into the feeble light of dawn, my sister Teresina, hunched against my back to ward off the bitter cold, murmurs. “Frannie … are you awake?” She whispers, which we have all learned to do now without thinking. We must be invisible. We are girls of the shadows, mustering what little strength we can to protect a widowed mother and three younger brothers…although I'm not sure what safety we could possibly provide. “Yes, I’m awake, but hush or you’ll wake everyone else and they’ll start complaining and squabbling over who's hungriest…” “I know, but something’s not right… I don’t understand …” “Tessie, there’s a war on, what more do you want?” “That’s not what I mean! Listen…” I listen closely. In the half-light, I can just make out the silhouettes of those poor wretches who lost everything in a few short months, betrayed by king and country. All I can hear is tortured breathing, muffled by arms thrown instinctively over heads in an attempt to keep out the nightmare that is our daily reality: thunderous cannon blasts, clattering machine guns, howling bombs, tanks that shake the ground long before you see them coming. And, if I listen closely, I realise that war is mute.
| Entry #6383
Finalist Voting points | 1st | 2nd | 3rd |
---|
21 | 4 x4 | 1 x2 | 3 x1 |
Rating type | Overall | Quality | Accuracy |
---|
Entry | 3.30 | 3.50 (12 ratings) | 3.10 (10 ratings) |
- 3 users entered 5 "like" tags
- 9 users agreed with "likes" (16 total agrees)
- 1 user disagreed with "likes" (1 total disagree)
| Good term selection | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
+5 2 fading away into the feeble light of dawn | Flows well like this translation of difficult source terminology | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
-1 +1 1 We must be invisible. We are girls of the shadows, | Flows well | Karen Vincent-Jones (X) | |
| Good term selection Perfect word to describe these poor people | Kimberly De Haan | |
- 4 users entered 6 "dislike" tags
- 14 users agreed with "dislikes" (25 total agrees)
- 7 users disagreed with "dislikes" (8 total disagrees)
-1 +1 2 the Baby Jesus | Grammar errors there should be no article before Baby Jesus | Shera Lyn Parpia | |
-4 +6 4 Frannie | Mistranslations | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
-2 +4 1 brothers | Mistranslations We don't know if they're boys or girls | Kimberly De Haan | |
+5 squabbling over who's hungriest | Mistranslations not what the Italian says | Kimberly De Haan | |
-1 +3 2 I realise that war is mute. | Inconsistencies Inconsistent with description of war noises given above. | Samantha Payn | |
| I’ve lost track of how long we’ve been hiding here, amidst the stinking scraps of straw and the human stench of dirt and fear. It was Christmas a few days back, and we spent it here in this cowshed, with our hungry fellow villagers, trembling with cold and fear. Just like Baby Jesus, but at least he had the warming breath of ox and donkey on his skin. We haven’t even got that: the soldiers took the donkeys, pack animals to carry what could be packed, even mum’s embroidered sheets. And as for the oxen, well I’m sure you can imagine where they ended up. Even the really tough, chewy ones didn’t last long. As the faint light of dawn breaks through the darkness, my sister Teresina, snuggled up against me to ward off the freezing cold, murmurs “Checchina … are you awake?” She talks in a whisper, as we always do now, to make ourselves as invisible as we can: we are shadow girls, plucking up courage to protect our widowed mother and our three little brothers. But I don’t know what kind of protection we could ever really give them. “Yes, I’m awake, but be quiet or you’ll wake everyone up. They’ll only start moaning about how hungry they are, and then there’ll be no end to it… “. “I know, but something’s wrong... I can’t work out what, though… “. “T’rese, there’s a war on, isn’t that enough?” “Yes, but just listen … “ I strain my ears. In the half-light I can make out the forms of those poor devils who in a few months lost everything, betrayed by kings and reasons of state. All I can hear is the anguished whining of people instinctively shielding their heads with their arms, to shut out the living hell of our daily life: the thundering artillery, the rapid rattle of machine gun fire, the wailing bombs, and tanks whose approach you feel in the trembling ground before you see them. It is only when I really listen that I realise the war has fallen silent.
| Entry #8149
Finalist Voting points | 1st | 2nd | 3rd |
---|
20 | 4 x4 | 1 x2 | 2 x1 |
Rating type | Overall | Quality | Accuracy |
---|
Entry | 3.17 | 3.33 (12 ratings) | 3.00 (11 ratings) |
- 2 users entered 2 "like" tags
- 3 users agreed with "likes" (3 total agrees)
+3 faint light of dawn breaks through the darkness | Good term selection | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
and then there’ll be no end to it… | Good term selection | Helen Pringle No agrees/disagrees | |
- 4 users entered 11 "dislike" tags
- 13 users agreed with "dislikes" (44 total agrees)
- 10 users disagreed with "dislikes" (15 total disagrees)
| Mistranslations we don't know how long ago, only that it was a short time ago | Kimberly De Haan | |
| Mistranslations i think 'corredo' refers not just to sheets, but entire trousseau | Sarah Thompson | |
| Mistranslations | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
| Other too specific | Karen Vincent-Jones (X) | |
-5 +2 2 you | Inconsistencies writer doesn't address reader | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
+2 Even the really tough, chewy ones didn’t last long | Mistranslations We don't know how long they lasted, jst that they're long gone | Kimberly De Haan | |
-2 +5 3 brothers | Mistranslations we can't be sure if they're boys or girls | Kimberly De Haan | |
-3 +1 and then there’ll be no end to it | Mistranslations She just doesn't want to hear their whining | Kimberly De Haan | |
| I’ve lost track of how long we’ve been hiding here, amidst the foul smelling bits of hay left lying around and the stench of dirty, frightened humanity. Christmas is just over and we spent it in this stable together with our starving fellow villagers all atremble with cold and fear. Almost like the Baby Jesus, except he had the ox and ass to breathe some warmth. We have neither. The donkeys have all been taken by the soldiers to carry anything that could be transported, even my ma’s dowry. The oxen, well it’s not hard to imagine what long gone fate awaited even the toughest of them. As the faint light of dawn breaks through the darkness, my sister Teresina, huddled up against my back to keep out the icy chill, murmurs, “Checchina ….are you awake?” She whispers, a habit we’re well used to, to make ourselves as invisible as possible, shadow girls who keep going just to protect their widowed mother and their three younger brothers, not that I’m exactly sure what protection we could offer. “Yes, I am, but shush or you’ll wake them all up. Then the hunger’ll get to them and they’ll never stop moaning and groaning…” “You’re right, but there’s something wrong ..I can’t work out what it is …” “Teresì, there’s a war going on, what do you expect?” “But no, listen harder …” I strain to hear. In the half light I can make out the shapes of the poor people who’ve lost everything in the space of a few short months, betrayed by king and country. All I can hear is the anxious breathing of those who instinctively hide their heads in their arms to keep at bay the nightmare that is our daily life : the echo of the cannon shots, the clatter of machine guns, the shrill whistle of the bombs and the tanks that make the ground shake even before you see them coming. And as I listen it occurs to me that the war has grown silent.
| Entry #8005
Finalist Voting points | 1st | 2nd | 3rd |
---|
18 | 4 x4 | 0 | 2 x1 |
Rating type | Overall | Quality | Accuracy |
---|
Entry | 3.45 | 3.46 (13 ratings) | 3.44 (9 ratings) |
- 2 users entered 2 "like" tags
- 7 users agreed with "likes" (8 total agrees)
+2 anxious breathing of those who instinctively hide their heads in their arms to keep at bay the nightmare that is our daily life | Flows well reads well - really good | Rachael Alexander | |
- 4 users entered 6 "dislike" tags
- 8 users agreed with "dislikes" (11 total agrees)
- 7 users disagreed with "dislikes" (8 total disagrees)
-3 +1 1 except he had the ox and ass to breathe some warmth | Spelling Pardon? Breathe some warmth? | Rachael Alexander | |
| Other missing part of source meaning | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
| Mistranslations not at all in keepig with the style/tone of the piece | Rachael Alexander | |
-2 +5 1 long gone | Grammar errors can't be used before noun | Elizabeth Hill Barsanti (X) | |
-2 +1 faint light of dawn breaks | Inconsistencies a weaker verb is needed for "faint" light | Kimberly De Haan | |
| | | | | X Sign in to your ProZ.com account... | | | | | | ProZ.com translation contestsProZ.com translation contests offer a fun way to take a break from your normal routine while testing and honing your skills with fellow translators.
ProZ.com Translation Contests. Patent pending. |